What about my children after family breakdown?

If your marriage breaks down, you and your spouse have to make very important decisions about your children.   Even though your marriage is over, you and your spouse have legal obligations to your children.  What happens to children in these circumstances can be the most difficult and painful part of marriage breakdown.

Who looks after my children?

When a marriage breaks down, either you or your spouse must take care of your children on a daily basis.  This is called custody.  Either the father or the mother can have custody of the children.

There are different kinds of custody arrangements you need to consider:

• Sole custody means the child lives primarily with one parent only.
• Joint custody means both parents have equal responsibility for the children. Children may live with both parents equally or with one parent primarily.
• Shared custody means each parent has the children for at least 40 percent of the time.
• Split custody means each parent has the custody of one or more of the children.

When do I get to spend time with my children?

Under the law, both parents have the right to spend time with their children after marriage breakdown.  If you are not looking after your children on a daily basis, you still get to spend time with your children.  This is called access.

There are many different kinds of access.  You and your spouse should talk about which kind works best for you and your children.   For example, you could agree that you will take the children to a movie every Sunday afternoon. Remember that even if you and the other parent no longer get along, the law recognizes a child’s right to continue to have a relationship with both parents after separation. 

Who pays for my children’s needs?

When parents separate, the law may require one parent to pay money to the other parent who has custody to help provide for the daily needs of the children. This is called child support.

Child support is the right of the child and not the right of the parent who has custody. A parent cannot deny access to the other parent if they fail to pay or fall behind on child support payments. Child support does not depend on how much access a parent has to the child.

The amount of child support depends on how many children there are and the income of the parent who must pay child support.  Like custody and access, you and your spouse may be able to come to an agreement about child support. 

What are my next steps?

These are difficult decisions to make. If you can, talk to your spouse about what’s best for your children. If you need help talking to your spouse you can get the help of a mediator (mediator).  A mediator’s job it is to help both parents come to a fair agreement about the children.

If you and your spouse can agree about the parenting arrangements for your children, you can put it all into a written agreement this is called a separation agreement.  It is important to sign the agreement to make it legal.

If you and your spouse can not agree, you can go to court and ask a judge to decide. Before you take this step, you may want to talk to a lawyer about your options.

This Project is made possible through funding from the Government of Canada and the Province of British Columbia